Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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