4 words: hood of his car
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
