So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
