She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
