wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
