I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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