Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
