saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
