Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
