She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
