I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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