Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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