Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
