I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
That accounts for only three of the penises
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
