I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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