When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
