ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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