Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
