This girl is more easily done than said...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
