if you like me you must not know who I am
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
