Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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