Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
