Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
