I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
