I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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