He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
