there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
