Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
