Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize