I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
