I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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