I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
