there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
