Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
