This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
