SEEEEXXX PLEASE
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Your shirt... Was in my pants
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
