So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
