I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize