I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
