What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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