he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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