Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
