I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He passed out mid-signature
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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