We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
