I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
