its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
