Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
