Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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