And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
