so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
if i died would you start the facebook group?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
