I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
