By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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