I want to make a zoo with you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize