It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Drake has all the answers
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
