I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
