I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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