true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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