tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
