you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize