Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
