people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
