I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
