Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
