Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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