Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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