I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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