I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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