I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
