Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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